I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
