I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
