Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
