a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
