Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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