Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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