THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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