textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
