I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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