My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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