If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
