Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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