Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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