whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
