Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
