I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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