I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
