Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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