Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
