Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
