all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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