Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do cheetos always look like penises
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
