Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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