these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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