i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
