do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
