I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
