I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
