Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
