If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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