I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
