xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
