I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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