ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
