she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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