So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
