Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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