I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
