Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
