I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there was a trapeze. enough said
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
