should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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