did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
