ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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