Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
