I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
