We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
