Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
