How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
