How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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