I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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