I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
