i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
